utter silence

I don’t think life is as simple and straight forward as we’re often lead to believe.

I can’t for example, tell you precisely who God is – as if I’ve known him for so long that I’ve comprehended him completely.

He is somewhat larger than my ability to comprehend.

I have experienced how silent he can be, as if he’s cut himself off from me.

Not a word, not even a whisper or a rustle of movement to assure me there is life, like one of those warm windless days when you struggle to breathe.

And no, it wasn’t about ‘sin’. Oi. Isn’t that just destructive, when people like Job’s friends are quick to point out that it must be because of your ‘sin’?

At least I’ve seen this: God does not operate or relate in simplistic, systematic schemes.

He is a person.

A someone.

And sometimes he is quiet.

And it isn’t a ‘tantrum’ or anger.

It can just be that he’s creating an opportunity.

That he is standing back a little, for my sake, so that I can come to terms.

I like that about him.

That he’s not pushy and abrasive.

That he can relate to who I am.

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