my greatest gift

zuko & I

I would like to encourage you to find someone with whom you can share your life.

It makes you more.

For so many people, sharing life with someone has become a burden.

For me it is my greatest gift.

We met in 1995.

On 6 January 1996, we made it known to the world that we are of the intention to share our lives, with each other, into the unknown future.

Its been seventeen years.

Seventeen years, 7 months & 19 days, since that summer’s afternoon.

We’ve lived in Bloemfontein, Bray & Nelson Mandela Bay.

We’ve enjoyed abundance & spent our last little bit of money, too many times to remember.

We’ve welcomed four beautiful children.

Traveled thousands of kilometers.

Made friends.

Lost friends.

Buried friends.

We’ve laughed & cried.

We’ve hoped & given our selves to despondency.

We’ve tried & failed & tried some more.

All of it together.

With a single heart.

How do you find that one person with whom your heart will become one?

How do you share life, in such a way, that you constantly move closer to each other, always sharing, understanding, being collective?

For me it is grace.

A gift gratefully received.

And so I encourage you, if you’re still young or single, to find that person, to not settle for anything less.

And if you’re not so young or not so single, to embrace that person, the one who is with you.

To seek it & work at it & spend your energy on being collective.


Honesty – always being brave enough to show your partner exactly who you are, to tell your partner what lives inside of you, your fears & hopes & dreams.  Your failures.  Your disappointments.  It goes a long way to breeding that intimacy.

Interest – always being interested enough to relentlessly want to know who your partner is.  It helps as well, for it is easier to be honest, if you know you will be embraced.

Wonder – the kind which gives you butterflies in your tummy & stars in your eyes, as you look at your partner, as you talk & touch.  Admiration for who they are, that too helps & it breeds more admiration.

In Greek they have a saying: ‘πλατυνω την καρδίαν’.

It speaks of a ‘broadening of the heart’.

In ancient Greek it speaks of one heart consuming another to become something entirely new, something more, something magnificent.

Which cannot be separated & cannot be recognized for what it was before, when it existed in its singularity.

Seek that.

I encourage you.

It is what I have received with my Zuko & there is nothing better.

May you find it.

May it be surprisingly yours.

It is the greatest gift I can wish for you.


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