the sexual controversy

It is interesting how the issue of sexuality pops-up again & again in our bit of world.

In conversations.

In responses.

In sermons.

Often in religious circles.

Perhaps our obsession with this part of our lives is deeply rooted in the Puritanism of the 16th & 17th century or the remnants of a particular version thereof?

(image from Space2Live)


The issue of homosexuality remains controversial.

I get the impression that organized religion is more comfortable with responding to that issue, than to the matter of co-habitation, promiscuity, pornography, prostitution or even slavery, which all seem to be related to the issue of our sexuality?

Even now, as I write this, I am aware that you might be reading on, just because you are curious to find out if I am pro-Gay/Lesbian or against.

It is a pity that our conversation about deeply emotional & spiritual matters are so often superficial-ized to a simplistic pro or against.

We did the same with abortion.

With corporal punishment.

With the death penalty.

The only thing we accomplished (through this superficial-ization) was to neatly herd ourselves into two opposing groups who do not really talk to each other or listen to each other or engage the issue in such a way that something meaningful could come to light.

I’ve been thinking about King David.

You know of him whether you are a Christian or a Jew.

I’ve been thinking about his sexual promiscuity.

Like the current South African president, King David was a polygamist.

Reading 1 Chronicles 3 we get the impression that he had as many as seven wives.

(It is interesting that our South African religious community does not really engage the issue of polygamy, although it is a very relevant one in  our context.)

In addition to his many wives, King David also had a large selection of concubines.

A harem, some may call it.

What I find interesting, as I read the account of King David’s life, is the immense patience God showed towards this man He called His friend.

If I recall correctly, it was only when King David killed a man, after impregnating his wife, that God took issue with him & allowed some consequences to flow into his life.

I don’t know what to make of that.

It does however make me wonder about organized religion’s responses & judgments which are sometimes vociferously & publicly raised.

I wonder if any religious-conviction could be so bold as to make judgement on this issue, be it about homosexuality, polygamy, promiscuity, prostitution or co-habitation?

I know there is an ideal.

I  know this from personal preference & personal experience, in an existential way.

Perhaps there is an ideal for me?

I met Zuko when I was young.

I’ve always been attracted to the opposite sex.


With her I discovered that sexuality is about much more than a physical act.

We discovered that it is something indescribably beautiful, when soaked in relationship.

We discovered it could be a mingling of souls, a coming together of beings, but that it could also be a destructive force, as much as it is exquisite, when stripped of intimacy.



Filled with selfishness.

For the past two decades I’ve been deeply attracted to Zuko.

It works for us.

Sexuality an element of our being & becoming.

We consider ourselves fortunate.

But we are not gods.

We are a ‘model’ of nothing.

We can only choose for us & there is an art to choosing to be bound to each other, without obligating each other or enslaving each other.

It is an art we try to master every day.

Perhaps an art we should rather spend some energy on, from all our religious-fervor?

Our sexuality brought to being four delicate new souls.

It wove our beings together.

It made us larger than our separate lives.

Amongst other things.

Looking back, I know that it grew to be something positive as we each became.

Perhaps if organized religion was obsessed with our ‘becoming’, rather than with our ‘behavior’, our conversation would be different?

Maybe that is the only thing I could conclusively say, from where I am, at this very moment, without being judgmental, or fundamental, or any other kind of mental: our conversation needs to be different.

Our conversation, the conversation of people who believe they live in relationship with the Divine Creator, needs to shift.

Perhaps to ‘relationship’?

Perhaps to ‘being’?

Perhaps to ‘becoming’?

Perhaps it needs to shift to mastering the art of embracing an indescribable freedom received, living it, inside connection?

To relating completely without sacrificing ourselves?

Until then, we will be embroiled in divisive controversy.

Futile divisive controversy.

Instead of contributing to our collective being as part of the flow from eternity to eternity.

And all of this I share with you, with great trepidation, for I am afraid that you might fundamentally take my words to endorse your choices.

While we do not need ‘endorsement’.

But rather patience & understanding.

Perhaps a little bit of love & grace as well.

Towards ourselves.

And each other.


3 thoughts on “the sexual controversy

  1. A reminder to just live in this holy beautiful moment embracing yourself, all those around you to just be your full Self. The injured self is projecting in the world we should keep on reminding them of their full Self, perfect and holy!

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