I’ve been wondering about equanimity.
In some ancient writings, which I’ve been reading as I consider happiness & the happy life, they use the word ‘contentment’.
A word which sits uncomfortably in my being.
As it rubs up against me, I feel the chaffing of settling.
Of being without ambition.
Of giving up my existence to the waves of fate.
A bystander & spectator in my own life.
A victim even, of forces, invisible.
It is as if ‘contentment’ shouts loudly against the strong work-ethic with which I was raised: work hard, reap benefits.
It is as if ‘contentment’ tries to smother that desire to be more & have more. To do more & experience more. The desire to be mobile. To move. Into new. Better. All the time.
Enemy of ‘Aspire’ she seems to me, this mystery of happiness invited again and again by Ancient Wise Ones as they unwrap the gift of happiness.
‘Contentment is great gain’, one says. ‘And having food & rainment, let us be content. where your treasure is, there will your heart also be.’
Which made me think about treasurers.
And what I treasure.
Which brought me to equanimity: ‘Emotional stability or composure, even amidst strain or loss.’
Given as synonym, in some dictionaries, for contentment.
Which we will certainly have, if we are free of the constant drive to achieve & perform & provide.
The consistent fear of an unprovided tomorrow.
And so I wonder if equanimity does not come to us through contentment?
But then not a contentment with the stuff I have or the position I’ve been entrusted with.
Rather a coming to peace.
Or a belief.
A contentment that (s)He who is the Origin of our existence has embraced us, from an unquenchable desire to share life with us.
A contentment that (s)He is not an impersonal energy or force, but a Being alien to our comprehension.
A Being to whom we are connected.
In whom we come alive.
Who shares not just the good or great or wonderful.
Who shares the everything.
And our circumstances.
Who shares the life.
Perhaps, as I come to contentment, about (s)He who supercedes time & eternity, there will settle an equanimity in me, as I work & try & reach & hope. Not driven by fear, or running from dissapointment, but embracing, as (s)He embraces, every moment & every circumstance, every outcome & every loss, a gift received. Not in vulnerability. In guarded shelter of benefication of (s)He who does not forsake anything or anyone who has come into being out of His Being.
That (s)He is love & kindness, despite everything I might have been led to believe.
That (s)He is concerned & involved, even though a different story could have been whispered in me, since I gave my first cry.
Perhaps that is the Way, along this Way?
To rid myself of the belief that I am the captain of my ship and the master of my destiny?
To receive the gift of sight, to see.
That (s)He gives rain. And before the rain, wind. And seasons at their time. In climate and in life.
To see that what I have is important.
Not because it brings shelter or security.
Because it is given.
From my Origin.
To see it is perfect.
Because it comes from (s)He who do not exist to destroy, but to atone & redeem. To restore & lift. Up. Above the senselessness of worry about food & rainment. Or struggle for the empty illusionary gaurdianship of stuff.
And so I encourage you to receive the gift of equanimity, along this Way of the Gift.
From (s)He who is the Way & the Gift.