I am intrigued by our kind’s desperate search for happiness.
And how seldom we seem to be successful in this quest, stumbling on, always hopeful, mostly defeated.
Every now & then, people send me articles, aware of my interest.
Articles which speak of ways to be happy.
This morning I received an article, which suggests we’re happier if we can be free from ‘envy’.
And I am reminded of the words of that North-African philosopher: ‘He is happy who is free of want.’
And I remember the old encouragement to not ‘covet’, a neighbours wife, house or ass.
I always smile when I read this.
Not the house or wife bit, for I’ve seen these being coveted & I have been envious, not so much about neighbours’ wifes, but definitely of neighbours’ houses.
And I’ve felt the burden, the discontent simmer inside my being, as I reach & long for what is someone else’s.
But who covets their neighbours ass?
I suppose if you’re obsessed with beauty & you think your neighbour has a pretty ass?
Then maybe you’ll covet it?
It seems even assess are covetable.
Maybe we want?
Always, what we don’t have?
Thinking or believing even, if I have that, I will be happy.
Maybe happiness is not so much about ‘not wanting’, but more about ‘wanting what we have’?
Which is an impossible requirement.
I’m always surprised when I read or hear these ‘encouragements’ to happiness.
They just remind me how futile our endeavour is.
How can we not envy?
How can we not covet?
Unless we believe what we have is perfect.
For this moment.
I’m not just talking stuff & neither are the thinkers & philosophers of old.
To not covet your neighbour’s wife is surely about relationship?
About something deeper than stuff?
For me, coming to a place of ‘no envy’, comes with a daily reminder that I am not left to my own devices.
I am not alone.
The master of my own destiny, the captain of my ship.
It comes with the belief that I am not in a competition.
I am not measured according to what I own.
And neither am I measured according to how well I perform.
Or against the people around me.
Envy is driven, fed, by fear.
The fear that I’m not good enough.
The fear that I will fail.
Perhaps it is also driven, fed, by the belief that happiness is found in stuff.
Outside my self.
And so I agree with that ancient North-African philosopher & the popular article which landed on my screen this morning: we are happy when we do not want, we are happier in the absence of envy.
But to say ‘do not envy, so that you may be happy’ or ‘do not want, so that happiness will come to life in your being’, is to tell a snake not to bite.
That is not to say we cannot be free.
We can be.
The moment we receive the gift of seeing that our lives are connected to the Origin of everything, to the Source of being & (s)He is deeply & lovingly involved in our existence.
From before we came into existence.
Having been lovingly folded into our mother’s womb & cared for, to the minutest detail, every single moment since.
Even what seems to be trivial or inconsequential, important & included.
Envy dissipates in the presence of the belief that I am enough & it is enough.
It evaporates in the presence of the belief that I am known.
The belief that The Origin of Life & Being is the one Who cares for me.
And belief is not something which can be created.
It cannot be formulated.
Or intellectually created.
It is received.
And so I breathe, for you & for me, that we may receive faith, to see our Creator, not the god of churches & mosques & synagogues, of priests & pastors & immams, that god which comes with so many strings attached that you cannot barely meet him unless purvyed by some ordained purveyor of religious affairs.
I breathe, for you & for me, that we may receive faith, to see (s)He who is Love, Felicity & Peace.
To see Them in everything & everyone & every moment.
I breathe, for you & for me, that we will be overwhelmed with an awareness of Thier presence, right here where I am, right there where you are.
Since before you came into being.
Not for some gain, for some perverted whoreship (that is spelled right) to be received.
Patiently involved for no other reason than that (s)He is our Origin & (s)He wants to be involved.
(s)He wants to love with an unconditional love we cannot comprehend or hope to emulate.
I breathe the hope, for me & for you, that we may be infested by this quiet faith, for it is in the presence of this faith that envy dissipates, as we see, all along we have had no want.
Our hunger an illusion created by our disconnection.
The path of destruction behind us, erased.
Our life, happy.
May you & I, receive the Gift.
May we be it.
To our own astonishment.