I’ve wondered why I wonder.
Then I saw, it was through the wandering wondering that I discovered the most.
It was through the gift of curiosity, the desire to make sense, to understand, even if just a little more, that I discovered the most, learnt the most, became the most.
And I am reminded again.
As I wonder about love, wandering into uncharted teritory, finding myself challenged to consider if I really know what love is, as I meet people who are deeply poisened by dissapointment & hurt, the toxic spilage following them like a silver snail trail, while seeing others love unconditionally, at the cost of many.
And I read someone say ‘if you love those who love you, you have not loved at all’.
And I’m curious.
Not from guilt or shame or a desire to perform or earn some cosmic being’s approval, but from a deep seated desire to know.
‘Is it love to allow this toxic waste of a broken life to spill into mine?’
‘Is it love to smile & let the destructive words, the abusive behaviour hit my little world?’
‘Is it love to bite my tongue, keep quiet, smile & taste the bitter of the consequences of one very broken person’s selfish behaviour?’
A spectator as it slowly sucks the life from innocents.
I don’t know.
I have no idea.
But I am curious.
I’m not writing here about love.
That would have to wait for another time.
I’m musing about this nagging curiosity.
Which always nudges me.
To consider more.
‘I want to be empty of hate’, I breathe out, as I clear my mind in a silent moment before the day starts rushing forward.
‘I don’t want to be filled with love, I want to be love’, I breathe in, as I think about the wonder of being a tree planted at the edge of a wonderful fresh river.
Branches filled with leaves.
Giving shade to weary travelers.
Filled with succulent fruit.
Food for the desperately hungry.
I feel my soul reaching for the sun.
My roots pushing through deep dark soil.
To find the nourishment.
And I am grateful for the gift of curiosity.
For it is when we wonder.
When we wander away from those simple, simplistic answers & mantras that we become.
And in some moment, somewhere in a time to come, something will dawn on me, as I read & think, listen & consider, experience & curiously wonder about this thing described in four little letters.
And as it dawns my being will be free-er.
My at-one-ment stronger.
My fragrance sweeter as I am.
And so I breathe, for you & for me, that the gift of curiosity will flood our being, so that we may find, knock, seek, mine, dig, journey, travel, explore, search, reach, in every moment of every day and every night, never placid, never pacified or numbed.